he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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