when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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