i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
