I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
