5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
