he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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