ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
