Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
