No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize