They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
