I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
