Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
