there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
