I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My ass is underappreciated
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
