ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
