I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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