Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dicks are not precious.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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