Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I forget how to act sober
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