God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
