you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
