OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
