Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So apparently I’m into choking now
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