My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
