Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize