I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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