plz talk dirty to me
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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