got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
