I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Say something about gay babies.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
