Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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