Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
