life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
