Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
