I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
