I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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