Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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