It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
