R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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