just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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