Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
