I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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