Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
