You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
