walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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