Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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