I hate all girls vehemently.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
