I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
