The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
