I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
