1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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