I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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