is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize