I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
