Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
