remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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