I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
