can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
