Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
