put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
