I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
