Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
