Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
