im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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