I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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