i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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