remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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