I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
