thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
