I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
whose ass print is on the piano?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
