Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
someone threw a dead crab at me
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Who died my cat blue again?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
