I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
