its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she smelled like a LAN party
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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