All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
