How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
