the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
