You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
